Desperately lonely loser, single white male, 34.
Miserable, apathetic, tired of TV, playing PS4 and watching my friend's hair fall out.
Seeks depressed, unatracttive SWF, 18-50, with no sense of humor, for long talks about the macabre, computers, X Factor and Star Wars.
If the following accurately describes you, there is a chance for us:
- Your idea of camping is pulling sheets over your head, calling it a tent...
- Your aspirations revolve around speaker dancing in a bar.
I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by by affecting a world-weary air, memorizing useless facts and chuckling at my own mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes.
I'm 33, but I look 25 and feel 70.
You are a moany bitter shrew with a misplaced sense of entitlement and unrealistic expectations. In time you will become coolly hostile when I don't fulfill every unmet need you've ever had. Bonus points if you just finished screwing every guy from Brisbane to the Gold Coast and/but now want to take it slow with me.
My perfect night would include getting hammered in a crappy pub, followed by an embarrassing screaming match. I would be open to an unsatisfying fling that leaves me filled with regret and dread but prefer a long-term, soul crushing descent into boozey fights.
Age unimportant, but I will condescend to women under 30 and reash mother issues with women over 45.